Cheboksary

The Train to Chebox

I decided to take the hardcore route to Chebox. Most of my acquaintances suggested renting a limousine, private sedan, or flight from the local aerodrome. No Russian believes riding in a train suits a foreigner's need for luxury and total comfort. Before finishing my sentence in a thick accent, the ticket clerk punched in Spetz Vagon and barked davai dengi. Chest high I retorted "Nyet", I will take the Platzkart. She looked flabbergasted, her fingers could barely manipulate the beads on the abacus that would calculate my fare of 300 rabbles ($10).

Real Russians can only be found on platzkart. Your bunkmates will be military draftees, construction workers, cleaning ladies, single moms, drunks, poker players, and flea market vendors. To understand the soul of Russia you must sit down with its hero workers and converse freely, on any topic, rolling from one subject to the next as the train wobbles towards Cheboksary. Ignore the first few minutes of your chat, which will always include three magic questions "Why the hell would you want to visit Russia?", "Its that bad in America?", "Skolko poluchaesh? (How much money do you earn?)".

There are no beds in the platzkart wagon, you sleep totally exposed to all those that neighbor you and any random stranger who decides to hop on the train during local stop offs. My acquaintance Lena told me of a time when a semi-homeless passenger took a liking to her at the strike of midnight on the Cheboksary express. The grizzle faced, tar nailed muzhik just finished washing his hair and upper torso in the bathroom. He must of felt refreshed, handsome, and took to the cabin's aisles looking for a cute blonde to acquaint himself with. He used no suave pickup lines, and offered no box of chocolates. He simply sat down on Lena's bed and began touching her face and running his calloused fingers through her hair. She laid there aware of her secret admirer but was terrified to speka, and allowed the petting session to continue like a helpless bunny. Luckily a friend saw their evening date unfolding and throttled the creep.