Cheboksary

Tribes of Cheboksary

Russians: They are dwindling in numbers, engaged in collective suicide of kool-aid proportions. Last year there were more aborted Russian babies than live births. The boys who survive being coat hangered face a life expectancy of 40 years. This is largely attributed to the wild west capitalist years between 1991-1999. People were destitute and pessimism about the future clouded everyone's mind. Russia's recent oil boom has brought new hope to the masses. More young couples can plan a future without fear of losing their job. Alcoholism rates are slowly falling as more men find steady long term employment.

Chuvash: Chuvash are the only tribe from the original Mongol hordes who converted to Christianity, albeit forcefully. The average Chuvash has a mix of Asian features, but extreme examples vary from Iraqi refugee to blonde bomb. They emerged more religious than the Russians, seen by the multitude of churches under construction in a town of only 400,000 people. Strolling in hot pants along the Volga walkway is popular on Sunday's.

Tatars: They are the twin ethnic group of the Chuvash and make up 10% of Chuvashia. Looks, language, and attitude are the same, with only religion creating a divide, if their is any. Irish and Scottish share the same parallel. Both are Celtic, but the Scots dropped Catholicism and became lackeys of the WASPs, even taking the last names of their new masters. Thomas Jefferson, Andrew Jackson, and James Polk were all Scots pretending to be English for social advancement. Tatars maintained most of their original identity, but can down a 1/5 of vodka on par with their Russian neighbors.

Kavkazians: Chechens, Azerbaijanis, Dagestanis, etc. They are everywhere in Russia, either as gangsters, tomato vendors or both. Be careful when one wants to "make friends", you'll wake up in a dungeon phoning your relatives to find ransom with one less dialing finger each day. It’s always safer to befriend a Russian or Chuvash, the worst that can happen is having your head bashed in or wallet stolen. In all countries and cities there is a general rule to follow. Never "make friends" with strange guys while drunk at a diskoteka or gambling in a casino. Nice people can be found in libraries, museums, and Universities.

E-mail Comments

Dear Mr. (Wellington?),

first of all , I wish to compliment you for your hilarious and witty website !!!

It is a cool , youthful , and witty depiction of that town and its people (I've never been there).

I was slightly taken back , however, by your over-generalisation regarding 'Kavkazians'...There's plenty of Caucasians that are quite reactionary to gangsters, and try to eeke out a decent existence without resorting to crime !!

If you want to find out for yourself, why don't you visit Nalchik (Republic of Kabardino - Balkaria) ?

It rivals Cheboksary in cleanliness and has extremely low crime rates (practically no scammers, and only seasonal prostitutes coming in from other republics). It does however have a pretty sluggish economy. Nalchik also has a reputable university. It is however quite boring for most young people, since the only real cultural scenes are traditional folk dances

It also has the lowest presence of gangsters in the Caucasus ; which is quite striking even when compared to other Circassian republics. Moreover, it has the lowest levels of racism in the Russian Federation. Note, however, that all constituents of KBR (Kabardin, Kossack, Balkar, Gorski Evrei) tend to be intolerant of racial supremacist sleights (even innocent ones intended only for humour)...

The region has an enchanting natural scenery and makes for great hiking, skiing and mountain climbing. n.b. every once in a while they have a few 'minor' problems with foreign-backed terrorists (eg. Yarmuk); It mostly has to do with delusional would-be world-dominating StupidAryan & StupidArabian supremacists. If they cause you any problems, I suggest you complain to the C.I.A. about all the terrorist organisations they've set up in West Asia.

cheers,
Sandro Bilbeisi
(of Kabardin descent and proud of it)